lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
ttyl tear gas
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
