I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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