I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
