ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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