I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
