at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
