I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
