So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
