for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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