Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
