i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
