I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
