so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
