You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
