Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
