You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
