Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
