I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
