I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
