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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
