so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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