do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
