you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
