Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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