Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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