Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
