not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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