OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is her dick bigger than yours?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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