I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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