Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
