You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
