I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
