Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
