ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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