dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
