I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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