a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
