Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think i have two assholes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
