I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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