My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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