i permit you to call me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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