Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
