So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
