i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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