Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
