I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
