Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
