i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
