I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
