she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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