Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
