one two three fourrrrnication!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I have post one night stand depression
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
