My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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