there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
