I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Damn victory sex feels great
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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