our cab driver is having phone sex.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
