Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
