I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
