found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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