we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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